Being brutally honest makes me nervous – because it makes me vulnerable.
It makes me feel weak and exposed.
But I’m learning that sharing my journey is important. People relate to people. People relate to emotion and a story. My story is always on my blog but I’ve never continued it or shared it on any other social media platform.
Over the next few days, I plan to share my story. It is long but I hope that there is one person (or two) that can relate to it. I am where I am today because someone believed in me. Someone said “You can do this, let me show you”.
Today this is my story – this is me.
My journey began in 2008. I was at my heaviest ever in my life. I was pushing 180lbs and squeezing into a size 18 (yep that was me). I was depressed, emotionless, unmotivated to shop ~ even for shoes! I thought that skipping meals and eating less would solve my problem over the years but really, it only got worse. I also had two things against me: 1)I’m from the south so we fry everything. 2)I was also stuck in a food rut. You know that rut – you cook the SAME THING week in and week out. You always go to the same restaurants and order the same meals. I was bored with eating, honestly. I pretended I wasn’t as large as I was. I truly believed that I still had a size 8ish body with a big ole booty. It’s funny how we view ourselves in the mirror but the pictures tell the true story. It is true that a picture is worth 1000 words. For me, when I saw myself in pictures – I thought holy crap Sara! I immediately started analyzing what wasn’t THAT BAD so that I could rationalize the photo. I wanted to do something but didn’t have a clue of what to do! I tried Atkins, Slimfast, starvation, fruit only, detoxing and NOTHING – I mean NOTHING worked. Really how could it if I was taking my butt to eat rice, beans, fries, burgers, grease, grease and more grease.
In comes a study with Weight Watchers and UCF invitation. I took on the challenge because I am a sucker for a challenge (a good one) and went full force into it. I knew with my personality that I would be very careful to follow it to a T. I learned how to eat healthier and make better choices. The biggest part of this experience though was that I learned to eat every 2 hours. I was religious with it too. 7:30am – waffle in the car on the way to work, 10:00am snack (fruit or yogurt), 12:00pm – lunch (either leftovers or sandwich and occasional lunch out but rare), 3:00pm – snack (fruit or yogurt), 6:00pm dinner. This was EVA-RE-DAY like clockwork, even on the weekends. I had to learn a point value system and tracked my weekly points associated with the food I ate. I also had to go in a few times to be measured and weighed. My very first week I lost 8lbs! I seriously had to look on the scale 3 times to make sure. Back then I still had the dial scale so it was harder to read than digital. At the end of that study in December of 2008, I’d lost 40lbs! I did this by changing what I ate and how often I ate. My metabolism was through the roof! I was almost starving at my 2 hour intervals. I never stopped eating that way for the next 4 years. By April of the following year, I hit my goal weight of 124lbs and was so stoked. I was wearing a size 4 and feeling very confident. I must share here though that I did not work out as much as I should have. I walked about 4-5 times a week for 15 minute intervals and twice a day. I was skinny but not fit. I now know there is a difference. With 40 knocking on my door now, I wish I’d thought of that then.
Each year though I seemed to gain back about 4lbs in the course of that year. Fast forward to 2012 and I found myself teetering between 130-135 so I started running and training for a 5K. I participated in 4 or so but never really indulged in anything more than 5k’s. Running hurt my knees and in the summer, it’s just to dang hot outside. So I joined a gym and went up there to run. I was able to maintain 135lbs but my eating was going back to bad habits and I created a cycle of trying to keep up with the 135lbs but the food was out racing and winning that battle. I knew how to eat right. I knew what to eat but I began slipping back into a mindset of I still look good and I’m running so I’m good right? WRONG – so wrong.
Tomorrow the story continues with Part II ……..
See you then